|Wed 20 Oct 2021 @23:18|
Back for a moment of sober reflection – this year includes parental concerns and worry, better (different?) potential understanding, definitely increased bemused piecing together of hints of memories of echoes from near and far pasts.
I started tonight wondering if I need to re-visit this date – this day. If I don’t is it … disrespectful? Dishonest – it’s a significant moment in my arc – demarcation – and as such it’s both an external view of history and an internal reconnaissance of scars in the rings, eh? What to do, what to do.
Remember the good times, reflect on the bad times, and see how they are all part of the path.
How are you? I miss my mom, gently and sincerely now a days – none of the jagged cuttings of my heart and soul. That’s nice.
Do have a nice and fresh bouquet of ‘oh dear god – did I do this to Ma back in the day?’ sensations as the kiddo made it thru his procedure earlier this month. There are feelings associated with confidence, and other horrible ones that come along with an uncertain (but always hopeful) branch of living; in my case such a young plant, just a few rings – his concerns, my reactions, Boo’s own personal heaven and hell; guess it’s right to think of Ma and wonder – how the hell did you get thru it all? Oh – that’s right – she had her … pink wine? Hmmm…
I visit the past within the volumes of folders on a hard drive – the images make me … happy. Bittersweet at times, but happy. Can’t believe the number of days since, and oh what the days have been full of ma – we keep you near, always – and speak of you often.
Wonder what the rings will look like when it’s all over.