Tuesday afternoon … winter scene out the window.

Tuesday afternoon … winter scene out the window.

December 4th, 2007

Current Mood:
good good

Current Music:
Lars Fredrickson and the Bastards – To Have And to Have Not (Billy Bragg cover)

the trees are bare – the leaves are on the lawn – not in a pretty cornucopia of fall colors – most are dry and brown; when it was misting the other night they take on the tone of whale underbelly.

I’m pulling my Gallery pics down to my external hard drive – somewhere I lost the php database that allows peeps to go take a look. Luckily, Flickr is working nicely; might have to take a look over at Picassa, since Flickr don’t have a pic manager that I know of.

Tuesday … chilly – 54 out there. The sky is that brilliant white cloud cover, it’s windy, I can see too far along the neighbor’s back yards. It looks like it feels cold out. I can’t tell if it’s the view that’s allowing me to project my Northeastern prejudices (compared to the anti-views from my LA time) or … just the “season”. Hard to explain – I know it’s winter. All the cues are there. Even Blue is up for a good 20 hour (cumulative) nap cycle! I like it – there’s a distinct change – like crossing a boundary, a river, something – and now we have ARRIVED!!!

I’ve been thinking a bit about the changes over the past year – just looked at a couple of pics from Oct 06 – Rocket was small, Durham was a place we were visiting, and the wheels of the bus of life were chugging along. a mere 13 months later – I walk about our house, the wood floors sometimes creak and give; there are ‘chinks in the armor’ – or at least some gaps between the planks that I feel when I’m strolling bare foot. I have a little habit I do of opening the drapes in the dining room – looking over to Adrian’s place, the tree out that side of the house. I use a curtain rod thingy to push the drapes – the table’s in the way now, used to be the grey sofa. I’m looking at the drapes I’ve tied together to get sun into the den. I can ‘see’ the similar treatment I’ve done on the front door for months now. Light management? It’s nice…

Then as the evening progresses I walk about our house and turn lights on, close the drapes to the deepening darkness, and pet the dog, maybe throw her toy about for her. It’s a nice place to be – certainly ‘homey’ – embrasing, solid to stand on, comfortable – every after just a year. I like that.

We’ve been strugglin, though – through a lot of uncertainty. My employment needs to ramp up a notch or 7; being a home owner is great – taking care of the house is, um, a challenge. Missing the ones we love hurts a lot, more than I care to write about. Being sad sucks. Giving all the hope I have to the powers that be so that I can keep having the {french for things stay the same} relationship of calling Dad once every 3 months – haven’t I learned yet? What the fuck has to happen for me to get it? Tough. Tough times for a number of us, yet … we still get another day. Live another day.

I’ve felt very unfocused for quite some time. I am not sure what the prime factor is – I get all excited about accomplishing something, and in that euphoric faze, I start two or three more things, cause when they’re all done it’s gonna be awesome!!! But … I fail. I don’t get the dishes done and put away. I don’t have a single place for all my pictures (images, video). My files are threatening to overwhelm me, and in that pause before complete collapse, I should be realizing that it’s all … un-important. All a bit of a distraction. the truly funny/sad thing is that the important things have ALWAYS been the important things. Family. Friends. Love. Life. That’s it. Not my toys, not my massive collection of unidentified CDs/DVDs of 0 and 1s, representing a lot of neat and cool and pedestrian things. Where are the fabulous memories of a road trip taken at a drop of a hat??

Wow – seems like I had a bit to say, eh?
Turdblossom escaped, but only because I am … sad and pathetic? Zombified? Scared of the consequences? Resigned to the fact that the system may actually not be broke, and that there are winners and losers in every system, and I’m not on the winning side, with the definition being those who have ‘conquered’ the game. Still, for the cost of a latte, action could have been taken and if nothing else a punishment could have been rendered. Thank goodness the 80% won’t stand up to the 20%, eh?

wow – just spent 5 minutes grabbing the title to the song I’m listening to –

To Have And to Have Not

. the power of the intertubes!!!

Ok, think I’ll get this posted. I’m motivated in part from the earlier posts I made over on my web site – I refer to them as my T.A.W.S(&a!). entries. I tagged them as such – from back in the day when I was a young buck of only 33! Hah!!!!

Write. Write often, and perhaps well.

So today, when Hanukkah begins at sunset (Judaism, 2007) and they celebrate Navy Day in India (hey – they’ve got a coastline!), and who can forget the two opposing events of the 1791 event that would, in time, give us Calvin and Hobbes and Bloom County, The Observer was publishes as the world’s first Sunday newspaper! 200 years later, Pan American Airways – an innovator for years, ended operations. Do something, and do it big!!!


dona nobis pacem

“Keep Calm and Carry On”