potential unrealized, DIY urban planning & other sunny thoughts, oddly in October

a cloudy day broken up by clear love, beauty, & kindness. c oct 2019, durhamtown

My sister sent a wonderful kindness yesterday, and I’m wrapping my mind around the touchstone it represents.

Of the past I’ve left/drag along; of people who made me who I am yet without my permission nor – sadly – my best description of gratitude. at this point in my life the interconnections that are, and the space that is yet to come between me and mine.

Always nice to have an object to focus my thoughts, my soul, my spirit. just a day in so who knows where this will take me. Then again who can tell me where I am? sigh.

always with a friend when the sun shines, c oct 2019, durhamtown

Here I am again. Here you are too. Hi. We making it through alright? alright enough?

Podcasts stream into my skull to keep my mind wandering … not sure if that’s what is needed, but I do enjoy the stories being shared. something about a polished, produced ‘thing’ – perhaps it’s the example in concrete that helps me think about pursuing that. Like, what if I managed to have a complete arc of a story idea AND put it out into the world we are currently existing in? What would that look like?

Of course I also think the 1000 pots maxim is probably the better path. So, when I can, I just make this stuff here.

a road followed, changing before my eyes. c oct 2019, durhamtown

Huh – just noticed there’s a word count on the screen – huh. What word count should I shoot for? Oh the words I can write!

Ok – gonna keep this short – trying to figure out a ‘my week in podcasts: epi a, b, c of 123 show – good, good, amazing!

feel free to let me know about the stories you’re paying attention to.

:: s ::
| Respice ad diem hanc |

“Don’t Forget to Be Awesome”

//2:21p+9October2019=Wed afternoon || Roman Mars makes my brain happy, and while chatting with Gordon C.C. Douglas makes me ponder the world I wander about//

Odd interactions, old intersections, worried hope, even in October

beauty during crisis – c 2019, durhamtown

was an odd day yesterday. first time happenings and what not. found a portal to a person in crisis – or, at least from all appearance someone in need of help. and as much as I strive to be helpful it seems as if I was not effective, though that is not at all surprising. still. I hope that in time everyone finds a comfortable spot to have the time to soak in enough solace as to find joy once more.

in a tad bit of a cryptic vaugbooking, I do think Carmen is close to breaking, sharing her ‘facts’ which include the Q warning that it’s ‘habbening’; a slight dive into her past public social expressions made both me and Boo feel a whole lot of the sads. My action to reach to an adjacent, Shelia, seems to have failed. and of course, her starting point was removed from the history, as if it never happened. she certainly had passion in her postings. if – in fact – I am wrong, and she is at the forefront of what really is going on, then might I offer a hearty ‘Oorah’ to the Jarheads being re-introduced into the warrior lifestyle. C’est la vie.

the temps are low, the syrup makes me happy. c oct 2019 – hobbit house

so from crisis out side my sphere of influence to the crisis within – alas even with a tasty breakky of waffley goodness, cool temps and a certain re-centering of my ‘self’ back into my skull has me, if not actually hopeful, looking forward to finishing up the cough & spit of whatever the hell is in my chest. yuck.

So I type a little, I listen a bit to the words and songs of others, I watch the boy just explode into the tiny toddler king he is – did I mention he’s climbing a bit now? good for his motor skills, bad for Boo and I resting at night. Well, that and his pretty regular awakening & hollering. good thing I like to get up every few hours, that I still have some bit of physical prowess that allows me to lift the wee lad (such dead-weight when he’s have asleep) and place him back in bed. Only about 50% of the time do I have to attempt to rationalize with a sleepy toddler that it’s not time to visit mom. sigh.

How are you? How the fuck did it get to be October? Why was I sick for a month? (looking at you, little buddy) How come all the things seem different, and difficult, all the time? Oh, and how the hell do we get back to the place where we were all going to be alright? I know there’s a place for all that – I’m sure of it.

fall can be lovely upon reflection, c Oct 2019, durhamtown

So we go – and go – and go.

I’m torn between thinking that living in these times is the best possible time – the tensions, the unvarnished truth of the long-entrenched hatred and loathing upon which America has built such an amazing society. How do we take the good and leave the bad? the kiddo will get to know the heights of the amazing people on this planet and the stunning lows of the people who drive the american bus. how to use these examples as guides. All the while realizing that I’m not really the best judge of what’s what. guess we’ll find out, eh?

hey – take care of you and yours alright?


:: s ::
| Respice ad diem hanc |

“Don’t Forget to Be Awesome”

//1:56pm+8Oct2019=Tuesday afternoon || TumpConLaw podcast but, honestly, it just makes my skin crawl – though now we’re at Article 25 so … yay!//

If you’re heading to Seattle, even in September

It’s more of a Shelbyville idea.

Well, Seattle is awesome. Their weekly – The Stranger – has list of things to do, and also unusual things to do.

Here’s a photo album with some of the places I’ve visited over the years.

You should eat at Dick’s Drive-In, kinda like Cook-Out

There’s a tasty vegetarian cafe called Cafe Flora – I think they might also be in the airport?

Drink at Skål Beer Hall, visit the Troll in Fremont, also in Fremont there’s a chocolate factory with a tour and a brontosaur. Oh also Fremont there’s a statue of Lenin (?) I think. Fremont is the center of the known universe after all.

Swing by kexp’s gathering space for a cuppa and to hang out at a pretty cool radio station. If the tiles are up then cool – Blood made a gift to me of one!

A cool tour of an classic ‘tall building’ from a by-gone era – The Smith Tower has a tour, observatory and bar.

If you stroll from Pike Place market to the Smith Tower grab a free chocolate at Fran’s in the lobby of the Four Seasons hotel.

Life on Mars bar has plant based pub fare and a wall of vinyl – pick something during happy hour and they might play it.

Seattle Art Museum (SAM), Olympic Sculpture Garden, Sunset Park in Ballard, Nordic Culture Museum in Ballard.

Tacoma (an hour or so south) has both a very cool Glass museum and a very cool car museum.

Oh – Kubota gardens is lovely, and when I looked for this past July’s visit it’s all wow – so many parks!

Ok – wanted to make sure you had a list of things to think about doing for your trek – hope you have a great time.


:: s ::
| Respice ad diem hanc |

“Don’t Forget to Be Awesome”

|| 249 : 06 Sep 2019 @13:37 ||

Even in August conversing with Blood is wonderful

above our heads in front of our eyes

From blood – “Do tell me about Esther day and hank & John – how’d you come across this lovely tradition?

Ah the internet. It’s perhaps ‘the sad machine’ but it is also an amazing place to find amazing things.

The original point of intersection with the Brothers Green … it’s not jumping up to the forefront of my consciousness. I’m sure it was a link from a link about a cool thing cool people were doing – was it John’s Night of Awesome at Carnegie Hall – John Green, John Darnielle, Kimya Dawson and others? perhaps.

“Don’t forget to be awesome” is the catch phrase – John & Hank Green seem to be fabulous people – that the Vlogbrothers use to sign off from any of the amazing variety of videos they’ve put on on the interwebz. They’ve given us foolishness, they’ve given us strangeness, and they’ve given us Crash Course, The Project for Awesome, a better understanding of the News from mars, a compendium of dubious advice, and the visceral thrill of following the third tier of English football league via the ups and downs of AFC Wimbledon.

I really wish I could share from my heart the truth about Esther Day – sadly I can’t. So click on thru, see a decade younger John and read the transcript and blame the dust from the bathroom renos for the watery eyes.

’cause as a jaded seen so much been so many places done lots and more … it seems that the answers to most of the adult human condition pangs might lie in the hearts and souls of kids. fuckin’ kids.

‘We’re gonna celebrate your birthday in perpetuity – what shall the theme be?’
‘family & love’ – from a 16 year old who was dying.

fuckin’ kids …

Love is universal. Family is universal. How we get from one to the other, what one makes you think of the other, well – I certainly feel lucky in that I recall love in our  home. I recall the hallmark platitudes … and as far as my memory replays we had a decent level of both family strife & joy.

How did we learn about love? How do you learn about love? How is love folded into the relationship we call ‘family’- I know I’ve loved people not related to my family as strongly as I have loved those who are family. It’s both exceptionally easy – ‘we’re family!’ – and so so so complicated. ‘we’re family?’

So perhaps I’ll take a plunge into the videos John and Hank have crafted over the last ten years, re-watch Hank’s vid from the other day. His note on traditions and how to embrace and make them your own.

Ok – this is going up now – a minute late but a few dollars short!


:: ps ::
| Respice ad diem hanc |

“Don’t Forget to Be Awesome”

||10:20pm+4Aug2019=Sunday eve|Trueblood season 1 … the sex, the death, the set dressing!||

Powerful tools, even in July – lets us break bread and share!

landing v. crash pad = water v. foam

Been thinking, as I do, between the podcasts I pull down and play and the amazing time-sink that pressing ‘play’ on an interesting show on the Streams (looking at you Net-Prime!) – such as how to step up in the 21st century to be ‘better’ and how to get that done directly, before the next decade starts.

Well, getting away from your routine and seeing how the ‘other’ people live! and by ‘other’ what I mean is any other – friends, neighbors, countrymen. Folk on that side of the road. Really any one. ‘Cause that’s how you get ruts you can’t get out of – by fearing the ‘other’. so – that’s part of the plan on how to enjoy this 1st decade of the last century of my life. Whoooo-weeeee! Gotta have a plan, amirite?

Have I told you about TED talks? This one is kinda … sobering during these calamitous times. How about an analysis that our data is worth about $12/year to Facebook – how to turn that into value for us? How about our robot overlords won’t be good at leading kindergarten classes (imagine how that would go down – the 5 year olds have no mercy!) – or checking in on our elderly.

A dire comment about the middle class – which leads to ponders that make me feel … bad. and sad. So here’s to the end of the first decade of the new century!

Have I mentioned that I listen to lots of podcasts? Say one on cashflow via Facebook (seekers v. delivered information to people; not going on websites, not seeker, but recipient, deliver a message …)

||>- well, here’s another bit of … well – I have no idea. but I do want to put the words I’ve scrawled down in my digital clay.

/09:05a+02July2019=Tues morning || podcasts in one ear, getting cashflow from facebook -huh/

a rainy Sat morning, even in June

they have another brick in the wall on this album – wtf?

the power of technology – I’m dictating this entry from my phone while watching my kid play in our middle room.

The deluge from this morning’s storm caused a beautiful waterfall outside the big window, fortunately that means I should go fix the gutters. but this also means I have no excuse for not crafting posts.

I wonder if in my youth I would have not questioned whether a motorcycle oriented podcast crafted from my own so brilliant and witty thoughts would be a success, but now I question anything and everything I can think of possibly attempting. what a shitty stage in my life.

a new week, a new set up at The Fruit!

though I didn’t stick around for the techno dance party last night I did look into the celeb DJ’s hit ‘sandstorm‘ – it’s been watched on YouTube 115 million times! fairly impressive – & also yay durhamtown!!

well – this was (like everything else I guess) just a test of the emergency content creation system – had this been a real blog post I would have waxed nostalgic at least once, & probably shared a bit on how I’m feeling amazing watching my kid while feeling terrified & paralyzed watching my kid – perhaps next time eh?

ciao, from durhamtown. the Bull City!


//8:59a+8Jun2019= Sat morn || all the rain, the dishwasher, the happy noises of a 25mo, a wonderful moment, truly//

Of feelings felt, oddly in April

a not so good beautiful day

A day that goes by remarkably is a fine enough day.

A day that goes by and causes you to find the moment, to realize things that are true but not often enough acknowledged – well, hard to say ‘we need more days like those’ when in truth we need to be able to start with acknowledging the true, eh?

I certainly have lived long enough to have experienced a few days where I was ‘in the moment’ – though luckily enough I can’t recall ever being actually there.

Yesterday was an odd day, with the episode starting with an exclamation point – buildings should shake, booms should only happen in mining towns. Un-knowledge follows – well, the crane outside the office window is still standing, so … that’s good? But what was that…?

An accident. A serious accident. That only minimal human suffering occurred can be credited to luck. So my travels after that exclamation point included some inside time, where unlike all the most recent inside time where I’m running being both chased by my yappy dogs and chasing them to make them stop, I was still, the pups at bay.

Guess I’ve traversed to the plane of being a parent all full and well. I both love the amazement of it all and – as of yesterday – keenly understand the stark difference this plane is to all the other moments in my life where things were happening and I pondered how it all impacted me. Yesterday, not so much the singular, eh?

Of course what I scribble here is nothing new. I suspect parents going back decades have had these feels. Joining this club is inevitable for those on a certain path.

all the reasons in the world

Kiddo  hasn’t been as committed to overnight rests as he was for the past year. Last night we comforted him early with us, and ended up with an overnight visit that allowed me to have a moment this morning where I got to be in the moment, sunrise gently illuminating his cheek.

May there be joy in your life today.



|8:31a+11Apr19=Thurs morn | the whining of a doggo, the wee wee wee of a kiddo, at home|

“Working through the days with all we have”, oddly in April

A tome as a touchstone to own my troubled bones

Mark Nepo has a book called ‘the book of awakening’ – Blood gifted that to me at our big to-do last summer. It’s been a lovely reminder that a) there is reason to be hopeful, b) Blood has a heart as big as the Wyoming night sky, and c) as much as I flail, as much as I spin in consternation at how my life is going simple words of honest truths can still calm my spirit, show me the direction I can look to see the sliver of light under the stormy clouded sky.

How are you doing? Have you had a bit of joy in your life today? Might I suggest a small child’s giggles – they are, I’d argue, the most joyful thing in the world this morning.

Me – I’m struggling. I’m feeling quite a bit lost – like I’ve made it to the front of the train to look out the conductor’s window to note a) this is not the world I thought/wanted to be traveling through (lookin’ at you, MAGA-fuckers – the 50’s is a played out mentality and one that is quite dis-heartening – are a significant portion of the people in my country that dumb, ignorant, bigoted, or inherently hateful? fucking sad) and sadly the conductor is no where to be found, and thus I don’t know where we’re going (a 2 year old is certainly a destination that equals more than the journey!) or when we’ll get there (ya know, American train service, so unpredictable)

Trains know where they’re going, right?

So April. 2019. How do we get through? ‘Working through the days with all we’ve got’ – well, how to accomplish that when in actuality you haven’t enough? Enough money. Enough energy. Enough hope. How? Obstacles can be climbed, but for me, right now, it seems if I slow down to tackle one thing another three new ones rise to challenge any progress I perceive. Is it me? Am I unable to do the things that need to be done? Well, here’s the thing – similar to the kind and loving refrain good sir John repeats and believes – You Are Not Alone – well, we are. I am. It’s me and my thoughts vs. the world and sometimes I am not my best friend. So there’s that.

build your castle, even if you end up taping plastic to it

Obstacles. Solo efforts. Solitary. Alone. (outstanding in my field … ha ha ha)

How much to give? Why have I always withheld all that I can do? What the fuck am I waiting for? Thankfully all of my internal strife with amount to absolutely nothing; it’s only what I manage to grab a hold of, drag to my realm, and deem ‘of me and mine, now and forever!’ that will create the reality I need to have. Wish me luck, eh? The luck of a rabbit, white and hopping.


//9:09a+1Apr2019=Monday || kexp’s evie spins gentle sunrising tones, including U2’s ‘One Tree Hill’//

Even in Jan … Sunday eve is tough

so tough that this isn’t even from Sunday. Merely recollections of a fevered mind. oh – wait – the kiddo and I – did we visit the girls? Huh.

when goodness and kindness is applied – durhamtown/seattle – 2019

I’m lucky beyond words. I know that. I’m as troubled and challenged as the next person (or ten) – but I am lucky. Say, taking the kiddo to go hang with friends as they finish up their holiday gift giving (seems Holidays with kids & partners isn’t as easy as, say, shooting your eye out with an official Red Ryder carbine action 200 shot range model air rifle), seeing my kiddo enjoy(!) the chaos, happily wave goodbye to the Fifi-master, and in tailing the tyke as he made his rounds I notice on the fridge, the love, the kindness, the goodness of the better twin. fuck. so damn lucky I tell ya.

Sunday eves are still a bit of a challenge – after a holiday break it’s even more of a challenge to attain the declared goals of ‘earlier, better’ – but we try. We have to. Set the model for the kid, right?

ciao! may you find joy in your day. ::ps::

//10:56a+8Jan19=Tues morn || keXp spins some truth – Arrest The President by Ice Cube//